WHY DIVORCE IS BAD FOR YOUR MARRIAGE

AS WRITTEN BY CAROL BAILY

Why Divorce Can Be Bad for Your Marriage
I am a divorce lawyer who thinks that divorce isn't always the great solution it's made out to be. Often, the real solution is learning to communicate.


In my experience, couples don't argue because they dislike each other. They dislike each other because they argue, and they argue because they don't know some simple rules of communication.

And once the divorce is inevitable, lawyers can become part of the problem too. Law schools train lawyers to be analytical, but not necessarily helpful. Some lawyers develop these skills, but others engage in a "super dispute" on top of the difficulties the couple already faces, with personal attacks on the other attorney or the other half of the couple, taking things from conventional warfare into the nuclear zone. So, lawyers can leave their clients in an emotional and financial heap by making the divorce much worse than it needs to be. I see this happen all of the time.

Changing this dynamic is critical. Divorce in America affects millions of people, not just the couple, but also their parents, their in-laws, their circle of friends, and wider social network of teachers, sports coaches, religious/spiritual friends, and of special concern to me: their children. Very few people in America can say none of the relationships in their life has been affected by their, or someone else's, divorce or child custody struggle.

For almost 20 years, as part of my law practice, I have had the unique privilege of serving as a Guardian ad Litem advocating for children involved in court cases. This is not an easy job. Exactly half of the time one parent is not entirely happy with the result. As Guardian ad Litem, I talk to all of the important people in a child's life and I can see how many incredible, often varying, perceptions there are at play, all simultaneous, all strongly held as right, "the truth". My conclusion from this vantage point? Our usual approach to divorce is fraying the social fabric of our country, leaving children without the resources they need to grow into strong, healthy adults.

So what do we do about it? We need to stop wandering aimlessly through life. We need to get focused and clearly define the purpose of each of our important relationships and learn good skills to bring that purpose to life. It is a lifelong challenge to change learned patterns and replace them with new skills that often feel artificial, but this change is possible.

I need to say from this very first blog that I do not hold myself out as a master of these skills. Just ask my husbands. They will tell you: 1) I'm not perfect, and 2) I admit it. Like everyone else, I'm a work in progress. But I'm also a sincere and intense student of human relationships and human communication. And I hold myself accountable for practicing, in all of my relationships, the skills that will make me more helpful.

Good communication skills come naturally to the very few and, for the rest of us, cultivating good relationships is work, mostly because we have to finally learn to deal with ourselves. If we intend, in the end, to feel happy about our lives and our relationships, we have to understand our own motivations and purposes and make changes along the way when we realize we are off course--in a conversation, a whole relationship or our life in general. We need to develop the skills to bring our good intentions and deep aspirations to life.

What I am able to observe from my unique perch, I hope to share with you on this page. The purpose of this weekly blog is to use my perspective to discuss, in depth and in practical terms, how to understand communication and approach the issues in relationships from a different perspective--relationships between spouses or partners, parents and children, attorneys, work colleagues and all other important relationships. The same principles apply everywhere.

HOW GOD CREATED EVE OUT OF ADAM

I welcome you all to this blog.
This blog will focus on how to live a happy married life,it focuses on how one can enjoy a peaceful married life.
Our anchor scripture today will be taken from Genesis 2 verses 21-25.
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept;and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
And the rib, which the LORD God has taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she shall was taken out of Man.
Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh.
And they were both naked, and the man and his wife were not ashamed.